In words I know how..

Being affected.

I cannot imagine being stuck in a place where I can't escape from falling bombs. I cannot imagine living in a place where bullets rain down on me and I have no where to go. I cannot imagine not being able to get medical treatment because the hospital supplies have run out. I cannot imagine myself bleeding out on the streets simply because there is no other option. Worse still, I cannot imagine seeing my mother bleeding out and know that there is nothing I can do for her. I cannot imagine the desperation I would feel when I go to the border of this horrific war zone, and my neighbor refuses to let me in. To just be left standing there, dying, all the while, looking over the other side of the border knowing a few meters are all that separates me from peace. I cannot imagine the indignity that must fill my heart when I think about the millions of brothers and sisters I have,.. out there that are doing nothing for me,.. in here. Above all that, I cannot imagine wanting to stay in such a place. I cannot imagine voluntarily choosing to stay, fight and be killed in this place because I believe that justice will prevail- if not now in this life, then later, in the next.

I cannot imagine-
because I am here. There is no shower of bombs raining on me. I know that there will be food for me tomorrow as it has always been there for me in the past. I am healthy and my future stretches in front me. I feel blessed.

Yet, what if I close my eyes tonight, and, I die.

What value is my life to me then?

I will die. That is the certainty. So will my brothers in Palestine. But their life is a carefully calculated sacrifice. They are promised Jannah. They die on the last true battlefield of Islam in today's modern world. What is my life? A calculated plan for a comfortable life on earth? So when the ground welcomes me, who is the one who is blessed? The one dies covered with blood fresh from the battles of Islam shouting Allahuakbar or the one who dies full of ignorance in sleep with the lilting voice of Yuna acting as a lullaby?


I am ashamed.


Because, even as I am writing this I know I do not yet have the courage to buy a one way ticket to the grounds of Palestine. The thought of meeting my death and meeting my Lord so soon scares me, even as I know that death will come for me regardless of where I am.

I am ashamed.

Its been a week. A week where my brothers and sisters of Islam are being killed mercilessly by Israel. A horrendous week which saw witness to ground of Palestine get soaked with the blood of fellow Muslims. Yet here I am, snuggling in bed! I sometimes stop while eating because it struck me what my brothers in Palestine would give to eat as I am eating.

I am ashamed and horrified.

I do not know what I can do for you my brothers!! I know that you are dying and I do not know what I can do. I don't know what I can do! I cannot shield you from bullets. I cannot help you escape. I can only sit and watch! I pray for you and cry for you but I fear that is not enough. I pray Allah gives you comfort. I pray Allah bestows peace in your heart no matter what situation you may be in. If you are dying and in pain, know that Paradise is welcoming you in a way I doubt it will ever welcome me.
I do not know what else to do, so, I am writing this. Let me write this for whoever that will read it. Let me write this so that you know, no matter how it may seem, your sacrifices will not be forgotten. Let me write this, so that other Muslims will also come to realise with whose blood are we paying for the ownership of Palestine. And most importantly, let me write this to always remind myself that my peace and comfort come at a price that is being paid for by others.

Let Allah always be with you my brothers. Let Allah help you through this. Amin.